How it's been lately...

Every day, i wake up to the same thing. There's usually a cloud of smoke hanging over my head, and I choke on it a bit. That's how I wake up. Choking. I look up from wherever it is I wound up going to sleep the night before. If I'm lucky enough, I managed to get a spot on the couch before everyone else passed out. Usually, someone is playing video games on the TV in the room, and it's just distracting enough so I can't get back to sleep. Then I wake up and sit at my computer, still wearing the same thing I did last night. And I sit. For hours. Just sitting. Online, doing nothing. Trying not to think about food or cigarettes, because that's what I want. Unfortunately, because I don't have any damned money or a steady job that actually gives me fucking WORK, I don't have those two things. So I sit and try not to think about those things. Eventually, yes, I'll get hungry and make some food, or eventually I'll cave and ask someone for a smoke. I don't want to, because there are a lot of us here and none of us can really afford to be here. It's really all kinds of fucked up, and there's no justifying it. There's absolutely no reason one person should have to pay for all of us moocher assholes, but it's what happens.

On occasion, I'll clean the kitchen. Sometimes I'll draw, sometimes I'll make new music. Other than that, all I do all day is sit here and drain on a very good friend of mine. I sit here and watch him get sucked dry by a bunch of fat ticks, all the while, sucking him dry myself. It's a sad sight. I'd move out. I really would, but I know my family can't have me right now, and no one is going to do the same thing that Seth's doing right now. Nobody would do that. I'm still wondering why the fuck Seth is doing it, to be honest with you. It hurts me to see him struggling like this. He bought a shit ton of food not but two days ago, and it's all but pretty much completely fucking gone. So now I'm here. Sitting at my computer. Pretending I'm not hungry and that I don't want a cigarette. And I'll be here forever. Because nothing ever happens here. Everything's the same. God damn it.