Ah, the internet...

Quick. Check this awesome accordion video out:




That's some music mastery, right there, right? Pure classical goodness. Now, I put this video on my blog, so that the video would have a nice, pleasant background to rest in. I even gave it a sweet little green banner to match! (I mean, it's not the coolest looking blog by far, but it gets the job done.)

I say all this because when I first went to youtube and watched this video, (thanks to a thread on the music reddit found here) This is how I watched it.

Let's zoom in on that first comment there.

At first, I was right outraged! How could this douchebag blatantly insult such an awesome accordionist! Come on! This is the INTERNET we're talking about here! Nobody fights on the INTERNET! Let's all be civilized here, right? It's Youtube for crying out loud! Get some class!

Then I thought, maybe tekmatic38 isn't really that big of a hater. I did a little research on the song's origin, and lo and behold, those are the lyrics to the song! The song's title: "Вивальди "времена года",Лето-3часть", literally translates to "FUCK YOU 'die bitch' NIGGA". Problem solved!

Phew! For a second there I thought there were STUPID people on the internet! Crisis adverted. We can all sleep easier thanks to me.

...You're welcome.

Comic book sneak preview!

So I'm starting work on a TOP SECRET totally awesome comic book about a guy named Adam and his journey into becoming a TOTALLY RAD SUPERHERO! Here's the first few pages, tell me what you think!

Super Hero Story

© Andrew Thornhill 2009

INT ADAM'S APARTMENT - NIGHT
The room is a mess, laundry strewn about and empty beer cans littering the entire place. A single old wooden boxy TV set is glowing in the corner.

ZOOM INTO TV
On the screen is a female REPORTER for the late night news.

REPORTER: In local news, crime is on a rampant high here in Jingo City, and it seems that local citizens have taken it upon themselves to safeguard the city as vigilante crimefighters. Eyewitness reporter David Aligood has the story. David?

CUT TO BLACK WOMAN ON STREET

BLACK WOMAN: I was being mugged, I didn't know what to do!

INT A DIFFERENT DARK ROOM - NIGHT
This room is huge and pristine. Think marble floors and big columns. An office for a serious business mogul.

PAN ACROSS ROOM, LIGHTS CASCADING THROUGH WINDOW, BIG SCREEN TV ON WALL TO ACROSS THE ROOM TO SEE A SHADOWY FIGURE SITTING IN A BIG CHAIR AT A DESK.

MALE REPORTER (V/O): LaTonya Willingston is an upstanding citizen of Jingo. At the age of 45, she works the graveyard shift at Big Tony's Diner.

LATONYA (V/O): I was walking home from work, through what I thought was a good neighborhood, all of the sudden there were three guys with guns on me, yelling at me to give them my purse and all my money or they gonna shoot me dead where I stand.

CUT TO NEWS REPORT

MALE REPORTER (V/O): That's when something amazing happened.

LATONYA: I was on the ground, covering up my face, crying, praying for help, when all of the sudden, this guy wearing a big coat and goggles shows up with this weird whip thing and starts whoopin' all three of these guys.

MALE REPORTER (V/O): LaTonya says that she was rescued by what many people have been saying is a real life superhero.

LATONYA: He tied all three guys up and gave me all my stuff back! He didn't ask for no money or nothin'!

CUT TO FUZZY IMAGE OF CHARLIE DROPKICK - A SCRUFFY LOOKING NIGHT-VIGILANTE WHO WEILDS A LEAD PIPE AND A SJAMBOK.

MALE REPORTER (V/O): The superhero in question goes by the moniker of "Charlie Dropkick". Unfortunately, we don't know a whole lot about this particular superhero, just that he wears a long brown trenchcoat, aviation goggles and a leather pilot's helmet. But we do know that he is not alone.

CUT TO CAPTAIN FANTASTIC - YOUR TYPICAL HERO, CAPE, SPANDEX, AND ALL THAT.

MALE REPORTER (V/O): This is Captain Fantastic: Jingo City's very own Super Man.

CUT BACK TO OFFICE, A DARK FIGURE IS WATCHING THE NEWS.

CLOSE UP ON FIGURE'S FACE, OLD AND GENUINELY EVIL.

MALE REPORTER (V/O) (CONTINUED): Captain Fantastic's identity is secret, but his good deeds for the city of Jingo and his valor are well known.

INT ADAM'S APARTMENT - NIGHT
There is a person (ADAM) in his late 20's asleep on the couch. The iridescent glow of the TV lights up his figure, sprawled out, beer can still in hand.

MALE REPORTER (V/O) (CONTINUED): When asked about other heroes in the city, Captain Fantastic had this to say:

CAPTAIN FANTASTIC (V/O): As long as they understand that this isn't child's play. Not just every Joe can pull on a costume and decide to fight crime all of a sudden. With great power comes great -

INT DROPKICK'S LAIR - NIGHT.
Charlie's lair is really just a piece of crap apartment on the upper east side. Almost everything in the lair looks like it's been rescued from dumpsters and / or made from cinder blocks and plywood. Duct tape is everywhere. CHARLIE is sitting in an old, ripped up recliner.

CHARLIE turns off his TV set, playing the same broadcast, with a click of a remote. He walks to his action fridge and grabs a box of chinese take out. He sits back in his chair with some chopsticks made from pencils.

CHARLIE: Great power my ass. everyone knows he's just in it for the attention. The guy doesn't even fight crimes! He volunteers for a soup kitchen and stands around making people feel "protected". It's bullshit.

A white rat with black spots, wearing a leather helmet and tiny goggles, scrambles up the side of the recliner, sitting on CHARLIE'S shoulder. CHARLIE turns to look at him, and feeds him a piece of Chinese food.

CHARLIE: See that, Chicklets? Daddy was on TV tonight.

He smiles.


INT ADAM'S APARTMENT - MORNING

The TV is still on, the morning report going on in the background. There is a buzzing sound coming from ADAM'S pocket. He groans and pulls a cell phone from his pocket. The screen shows that his 7:30 alarm is going off. He groans again and slumps into the bathroom, a cascade of beer cans clattering to the ground as he gets off the couch.

INT ADAM'S BATHROOM - MORNING

ADAM is taking a leak, his cell on the sink starts to buzz. He picks it up and opens it. The caller ID says "WORK". He doesn't look too happy, but he answers.

ADAM: Hello?

INT BIG TONY'S DINER - MORNING

BIG TONY, who looks like you'd think a guy named Big Tony would look, is on the Diner's phone behind the counter.

BIG TONY: Hey! Adam! My best buddy! My friend! Pal! What'cha up to, man?

INT ADAM'S KITCHEN - MORNING

ADAM is pouring a cup of coffee.

ADAM: Hey Big Tony... I'm getting ready to come in... I'm not late, am I?

INT DINER - MORNING

BIG TONY: Late? You? Never, kid. A bit of a slob, yeah, but never late.

INT ADAM'S APARTMENT - MORNING

ADAM is now sipping his coffee, holding onto the cell with his shoulder.

ADAM: Don't patronize me, Big Tony. What's the Problem?

INT DINER - MORNING

BIG TONY: Problem? Who said anything about a problem? I ain't got no problems. You? You're the one with problems. I know what's goin' on with you and Katie, Adam. Don't play dumb.

INT ADAM'S APARTMENT - MORNING

ADAM rolls his eyes.

BIG TONY (V/O) (CONTINUED): Look, I was just gonna say that if you still need a couple days, I can call Steve or somebody to cover your shift or something.

INT DINER - DAY

BIG TONY (CONTINUED): They're begging for the extra work, the way money's been lately, and I know you aren't doing your best right now. Hell, nobody is. The way crime's gettin' worse and worse every day, hell, LaTonya got mugged a few nights ago.

INT ADAM'S APARTMENT - MORNING

ADAM: LaTonya got mugged? Is she alright?

BIG TONY (V/O): Yeah, yeah, she's fine. Some hero guy swooped down and nearly killed all the muggers. They're all in the ICU now, the bastards.

ADAM: Swooped?

BIG TONY: Hey, don't ask me, man, that's what LaTonya said. She said he swooped down, like he was hidin' out on the roof or somethin'.

ADAM: Look, Big Tony, I'm fine. Things with me and Katie are pretty rough right now, but I need the money more than anything. I'll be there in about an hour.

INT DINER - MORNING

BIG TONY: Alright, pal, if you say so. But keep your head in the game today. I don't want you dropping no more hot food onto the customers' laps. Mr. Jones is still very upset about that.

ADAM: Yeah, I still feel bad about it. Tell him I'll make it up to him somehow... Tell him his hash browns are on me today.

BIG TONY leans over the counter, looking at an old man, Mr. Jones.

BIG TONY: Hey, Mr. Jones, Adam says the hash browns are on him today, how do you like that?

MR. JONES: Hash browns on him? Jesus, Tony, yesterday they were on me!

BIG TONY laughs.

BIG TONY: Alright, Adam, I'll see you here in a while.

EXT ADAM'S APARTMENT BUILDING - DAY

ADAM is walking out the door in his work uniform. He opens the door to SCOOTER - a 13 year old ginger kid, scrawny, geeky, arms full of boxes.

ADAM: Woah, here kid, let me help you with those.

He takes a few of the boxes, very heavy, and puts them at the base of the stairs.

SCOOTER: Gee, thanks, mister! I didn't know how to open the door with all these boxes weighing me down.

ADAM: (struggling with heavy box) Jesus, kid, what's in these, exercise equipment?

SCOOTER: No, no, nothing like that... just... supplies.

ADAM looks a bit confused.

ADAM: Alright, sure thing, kid. Just make sure to take these things upstairs one at a time. I know for a fact Clovis the janitor doesn't want to have to clean up any blood or nothin'.

Now SCOOTER looks confused.

SCOOTER: Sure, mister. Good idea.

He starts to take one box upstairs. ADAM leaves the building and shuts the front door.

INT SCOOTER'S ROOM - DAY

The room is plastered with super hero posters, action figures, and now, a stack of boxes. SCOOTER rips the tape off one of them, opening it to reveal that it's packed full of old comic books.

He smiles and grabs one off the top of the stack, opens it and begins to read.

----

So that's it for that, pretty sweet, huh? Tell me if you like it, I'm going to try and get some sketches of the characters up later.

-Thorny

How it's been lately...

Every day, i wake up to the same thing. There's usually a cloud of smoke hanging over my head, and I choke on it a bit. That's how I wake up. Choking. I look up from wherever it is I wound up going to sleep the night before. If I'm lucky enough, I managed to get a spot on the couch before everyone else passed out. Usually, someone is playing video games on the TV in the room, and it's just distracting enough so I can't get back to sleep. Then I wake up and sit at my computer, still wearing the same thing I did last night. And I sit. For hours. Just sitting. Online, doing nothing. Trying not to think about food or cigarettes, because that's what I want. Unfortunately, because I don't have any damned money or a steady job that actually gives me fucking WORK, I don't have those two things. So I sit and try not to think about those things. Eventually, yes, I'll get hungry and make some food, or eventually I'll cave and ask someone for a smoke. I don't want to, because there are a lot of us here and none of us can really afford to be here. It's really all kinds of fucked up, and there's no justifying it. There's absolutely no reason one person should have to pay for all of us moocher assholes, but it's what happens.

On occasion, I'll clean the kitchen. Sometimes I'll draw, sometimes I'll make new music. Other than that, all I do all day is sit here and drain on a very good friend of mine. I sit here and watch him get sucked dry by a bunch of fat ticks, all the while, sucking him dry myself. It's a sad sight. I'd move out. I really would, but I know my family can't have me right now, and no one is going to do the same thing that Seth's doing right now. Nobody would do that. I'm still wondering why the fuck Seth is doing it, to be honest with you. It hurts me to see him struggling like this. He bought a shit ton of food not but two days ago, and it's all but pretty much completely fucking gone. So now I'm here. Sitting at my computer. Pretending I'm not hungry and that I don't want a cigarette. And I'll be here forever. Because nothing ever happens here. Everything's the same. God damn it.

Ow... My heart. >.O

So, I happened upon this little entry on Geekologie not too long ago, and on a whim, decided to give it a go.

http://www.geekologie.com/2008/12/pfft_hearts_are_overrated_anyw.php

Andrew and I went out to Wal Mart and picked up everything necessary to carry this mission out...

Which was, pretty much just bacon and cheese.



First, I made a "carpet of bacon" if you will. The first layer. Mmm, bacon carpet.



Then, the bacon weaving came into play. (Andrew was LOOMing over me with the camera. GET IT? LOOM? WEAVING?)



Mmm, the tastiest tapestry ever.



BACON ATTACK!



All woven and ready to be put in the oven at 400º F for around 15-25 minutes.



Save the rest of your bacon for a totally awesome breakfast. Or just eat it right then.



Aaaaand it's almost done!



Remove bacon from pan.



Of course, blot it with a paper towel to remove excess grease. (We don't want to die of heart attacks immediately, we want to give it SOME time to kick in.)



Why does Panda look so happy? Because it's time for the next step...



CHEESE!



And Andrew had to open it for me. Because I suck.



This is what it's like to be my hand as I'm reaching for the cheese. I know, artsy.



Add a veritable mountain of cheese, and then...



Roll! We're done here!

Needless to say, it was devoured immediately, and we were all pretty sad that we didn't make 7 or more. This seriously is the best thing ever. The only way this could possibly be any better is if we had put jalapeños and hot sauce right there in with the cheese. That would have been heaven.

Well, I feel like I might die. I have the taste of copper in my mouth, and I can't feel my left arm at all!

Stay tuned until next time, when I make a burrito out of bacon spam and chef boyardee!


Until then,

Thorny

Have you ever...

Have you ever hated someone because they were too cool?

Have you ever met someone that you thought was totally awesome, but hated their significant other because you thought they were just good people? This leads me to believe that it's way easier to hate someone than it is to like them, especially when jealousy is involved.

On a related note, (and no, this hasn't happened to me yet, but it almost has) have you ever been drunk and browsing Facebook when you wanted to look at someone you like's profile, but you type their name into your status bar instead of the search bar; thus accidentally posting their name as your status?


...Because that would really suck.

On Omelets and Escapades...

So yesterday I woke up at around 5:30 in the afternoon, having decided to just sleep another day away. I was pretty disappointed in myself; I usually wake up around 4. So, naturally, I decided to stay up all night and watch horror movies with Andrew and Panda. Things were pretty uneventful up until around 8:00, when we went to the bank to cash Panda's big ole' check and start our day out right. (Although technically we started our day out with horror movies and overcooked popcorn.) Then the following mistakes were made:

Mistake #1: Taking me to IHOP and letting me "go crazy" on the menu. I asked the waiter what the most bacon-tastic thing on the menu was, and he replied that the bacon omelette was pretty much amazing. I had that. With extra bacon. Two times extra bacon. It was like a bacon-gasm. Even the egg and cheese tasted like bacon. It was just too great. Not to mention a small order of hash browns and 4 diet cokes. I'm still a bit dizzy from the whole situation.

Mistake #2: Taking me anywhere after that. I was wired. That's when I made the most amazing discovery ever... today... so far.



There you have it folks, the one dollar "Police Squad" playset from Sav-a-lot. This bad boy has EVERYTHING!

From a genuine Police brutality ACTION BACKDROP...



To these little fella's, who I have affectionately named Dave the friendly police officer and Larry the Black-Ops agent.



Dave and Larry needed a bit of scenery. Luckily, the one dollar police squad playset comes complete with.... a PALM TREE!




...And whatever the hell this thing is. I think it's either a sad little tree, or some for of... green fire geyser.



And let's not forget the ever popular "knee-high barbed wire fence that anyone could easily step over".




And let's not forget the most important piece of scenery, the reason that Dave and Larry even have a job. Old Glory. The red, white, and more white. Proudly flying atop it's thin, chinese made flagpole, sporting it's one blazon star and our country's motto: "MVP", which of course, stands for "Most Valuable... Plastic... Police... Squad."



And then we get to the accessories. I don't think it's very fair that one dude gets a gun and the other gets a knife, but oh well, let's get these boys suited up and ready for battle!



Then I noticed a fatal flaw in the design. You know, besides all the obvious flaws that you've already noticed, like their heads being infinitely smaller than their bodies and stuff. These dudes' hands are hideously malformed! Neither the gun OR the knife would fit in any hand I tried them in.



...So, I improvised. Ah, duct tape, the old American standby. As you can see, Dave is holding the gun like a straight up gangsta.




That's when I discovered the true meaning of that strange green fire tree. It wasn't a tree or geyser at all! It was in fact a MAGICAL FIRE SPELL that Dave cast forth from his magical gangsta gun!



Things weren't looking good for Larry, so I introduced the final (and most awesome) accessory. The FLAMEPROOP SHIELD! Yeah, that's right. Flameproop. Yes, it came like that. Ah, good ole' Chinese industry and know-how.



Larry's flameproop shield proved well against the magical flames.



...and then, Larry stabbed Dave to death.






It was all over then folks. And I think that's it for me... that bacon's finally starting to kick in. That and the lack of sleep. Ugh... my body hates me.

Tune in next time, when I order the Mega Chili Meal from Steak and Shake and buy the Dollar General Ninja playset!

Until then,

-Thorny